i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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