dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
