Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
