He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
