I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
