Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
