I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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