Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
