I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
