I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
