Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
