Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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