He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
