I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
