Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
