When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
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Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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