I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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