A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
