His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
