4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
