Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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