when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
