Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
