Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
