Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
