Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
