i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
