Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
