I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When are your genitals available?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My vagina is very pro this idea
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
