After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
