Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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