Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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