Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
