This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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