WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
