Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
