I cockslap morals
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
