I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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