Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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