guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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