Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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