You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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