Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
