I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize