its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
