planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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