Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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