smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize