i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
