He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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