Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
