a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am naked and annoyed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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