this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
