Got a toothbrush?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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