The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
