Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
