Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
