I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
