Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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